gold star condolence calls

I do not have training in grief counselling.  I have no background in psychology, other than taking a "gentleman's C" in basic undergraduate psychology courses at Penn that I probably did not deserve.  I have no on the job experience in international diplomacy, unless you count the time I deposed an attache to the UN mission from Pakistan, and ended up getting punched by him during the proceedings, which is a story for another time.  I am not a military veteran.

I am not all of these things, but I am a human being, hopefully one with at least a little bit of empathy towards the feelings and human condition of my fellow man.  I also believe I am possessed of at least half a brain, and a few ounces of common sense, which many may disagree with.

All of this being said, I offer the following script to be used by the neanderthal in chief for his next phone call to a gold star family, who has just lost a loved one killed in action overseas:

"Hello.

"On behalf of this very grateful country, Melania and I wanted to extend our condolences and very best wishes to you and the rest of your family and your friends for the loss of _______________.  To that, let me add our personal condolences as well.  You and your family, and especially your son/daughter are in our thoughts and prayers.

"I did not know your son/daughter personally, but I have been told by his/her commanding officer that he/she was brave, loyal and kind, and had the respect and admiration of his//her entire unit.  We know that he/she was willing to lay down his/her life and make the ultimate sacrifice defending our freedoms and the ideals this country was founded upon, and for this we will always be grateful.

"Your son/daughter was one of the best, and we are so very sorry for your loss.

"Is there anything I can do for you?"

That's it.  That is all you need to say.  Please do not ad lib or go off script.  We know how that generally turns out for you.

I know we risk a lot by including the last sentence, but there has to be some sort of an ending.  Besides, most of the time, the response of the family is going to be something along the lines of "your call and your thoughts are enough" and that ends the call after you say "God Bless" and hang up. 

It may be delicate at at time like this, but in reality, the words you chose are very simple, because in the context of what is appropriate, there are not that many to choose from.

So do yourself and the rest of us a favor, and just read the above over the phone.  Heck, unless you are skyping, you are on the phone.  The grieving parents/widows/children will not know you are reading from a script, and probably will not care.  You do not even need to care yourself.  Just read the script, and make it sound like you care.  If you can't do it, hire somebody.  Alec Baldwin could do it.  Come to think of it, I would possibly be available.

You know where to find me.